#♡ introspection

[silkjade]

the wedding date talk on dash yesterday (?) made me think of my genshin men as wedding dates hcs n wowz ! it’s interesting to see how much my posts have changed… i wonder when i started going from hcs -> fics o: though i wouldn’t say this to be an accurate representation of how my Writing has changed (becus i approach hcs n fics differently) but still it is kind of crazy to me how different this blog is now, as opposed to what i imagined at its inception (𖦹‸𖦹)

[chasingrainbcws]

man y'all really comin' after her in my inbox ---

[99naive]

hi yes just sharing that this is by FAR the most suzie coded sabrina song & if you ever need a good song representation this is IT

[rosenpiety]

𝗩𝗲𝗻𝘂𝘀,   𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗲𝘁   𝗼𝗳   𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲,   𝘄𝗮𝘀   𝗱𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝘆𝗲𝗱   𝗯𝘆   𝗴𝗹𝗼𝗯𝗮𝗹   𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴

   You   were   always   someone   so   full   of   hope   and   dreams,   you've   always   loved   to   see   life   through   colorful   lenses,   always   wanting   to   see   the   good   in   everything   and   everyone.   But   life   has   let   you   down   so   much   it   feels   pointless,   you   can   feel   yourself   breaking   down   everyday,   everything   feels   so   tragic   and   unfair,   as   if   your   little   fairytale   had   been   torn   apart

Tagged by: @duelmarks Tagging: @amanturine, @devourens, @inconcordia, and anyone that's currently reading this and wants to do it

[angelgendered]

I know I'm a Hadley blog at this point but this week has been literally the happiest I've been since. Well. A long time. A very long time.

And it says something when my mum even asked me, before I told her about Hadley and me being together, if my pain was a bit better because I was walking taller and looked less upset/sad all the time.

She then said, after I told her about me and my love, that she was happy for us. She said some things protectively about them treating me right too. But she said that I looked happy above all else. And I am. I can't believe how happy they make me.

It's something about the true healing nature of queer love. The 'ordeal' of being known and seen and loved by someone.

Every time they call me handsome, my heart slips a beat.

I don't consider myself remotely desirable or attractive. So to have someone as beautiful as Hadley is, inside and outwardly, be open about desiring and loving and finding me attractive?? It's so healing. It really is. They even call me ANGEL!!! and when I tell you that I want to melt every time they do that...

God I can't wait to take them to the seaside! I have plans yall. I'm gonna buy them a silly hat and seaside treats and win useless claw machine plushies for them. We are going when the light show illuminations are on there, or maybe the Christmas events they have up there with the pretty lights too.

I want to have them sit on my lap in public, hold my hand too. I want to kiss and cuddle them and show them how much i adore them.

It's a long way off, feels like forever away. But I'm determined that we will meet. And we will make this work despite the distance. We will love and be loved. We will be together. At least for a while.

I also want to take them down to London! Maybe for a week or so there. There's so much to do that we could spend a month there and still be busy, but hotels are pricier there, so. I want to take them somewhere real fancy. Show them off to everyone. I want to sleep in a fancy hotel for at least one night and wake up overlooking the city with them and feel on top of the world for just a moment.

I don't know yet what or where we'll fill the other two weeks ish with. We'll figure something out. Manchester, Liverpool, and Brighton are all options I'm thinking over. I want to take them to museums and maybe a theatre show or two and aquariums and galleries and maybe a zoo and watch them watching the world go by. I want to see the moon and stars reflected in their eyes. I want to watch the sunset and sunrise with them. I want to show them around my (awful) hometown and have them meet my parents and my best friends. I want to tell them how much I love them. I want to show them the same thing. I want to spoil them (both with gifts and with acts of service/physical touch cause that's what I'm all about, lol). I want them to know how I adore them. How I'd do anything for them. I'm in this for the long haul, if they'll have me. Forever, even.

And the moment i see them, when they arrive off the plane, I'm going to kiss them so fiercely they'll think I'm never going to let go. I'm going to pullt hem into my lap and hold them and call them every single sappy teem of endearment I have for them.

Ultimately, I have hope that this will work out. Somehow. It will, I'm begging the universe. Just our relationship generally, not just them visiting in the first instance.

I'm sitting here crying rn, and I know it's silly, but I've never felt so loved. I've never been made to feel desirable or handsome or anything like that. But Hadley makes me feel all of that, and more besides. They love me. They LOVE me. Me!

I know this is kinda uncharacteristically soft and vulnerable for me to post here. But... I love them so much. I can't believe that this is my life and they're my SO now. I can't wait to watch ATLA and Pacific Rim and the Scifi animated movie they love, which I've forgotten the name of already, on video or voice call with them, in the meantime whule we save money up. I can't wait to show them some of my fav media soon, too. Good Omens brought us together and brought us to this point, so I'm forever thankful to DT and MS and Terry and. God. I just. I'm smitten. Big heart eyes and everything. The Crowley to my Aziraphale.

[wiredsmi1e]

hi this is suzie that is all .

[heavenlyprinciples]

ajax vs tartaglia vs childe. although i default to referring to him as childe just to ensure that there is no confusion when discussing things out of character, i do write them as separate " characters " if you will── or more accurately, separate masks / lives. for the purpose of this meta, i will mainly refer to him as tartaglia.

tartaglia compartmentalizes each phase of his life through his names; ajax represents his childhood, pre-abyss. although he was still called ajax after climbing out of the abyss, tartaglia now views ajax as the epitome of his childhood self. it is, in essence, the most innocent, pure, & most well-hidden part of himself.

the name tartaglia represents his service to the fatui; it is, also, what he will default to referring to himself as. tartaglia is the " present " , so to speak! he is the eleventh harbinger, blood thirsty & ruthless & cruel; he is also young & reckless & bold. it is the aspect of himself that is most true to his current self.

" childe " , however, was only ever a temporary mask; it is only used during his stay in liyue. although there is no hiding that he is the eleventh harbinger, it was simply a precautionary measure that he decided to enact, especially around the traveler. childe is a mask that was discarded as quickly as it came.

[thatonesakudere]

"I'm looking for Mays." // mansk for mayu or masa or both

@badtrigger

Masa knows not when exactly the mess hall has become his refuge, a place he finds himself lingering at whenever his body doesn't feel as though made of lead. Here, he's free. Free from sterile sheets, from half-empty pill bottles and deafening silence, from hours stretching into days, years, millennia, and from the bottomless gulf of his restless mind. It's close enough to reach on his own, and for Mayu not to worry, and-- It's public.

No matter the hour, people mill around, talk, eat; RDA employees of all kind, from officer workers to scientists, laborers and marines. The Recombinants come too, whenever off duty, blue and tall and loud. Ironically, they never make him feel small — perhaps because they dwarf over everyone else as well.

He sticks to corner tables and slinks into the shadows, a spectator in a video game, a conductor in a music hall — there's an order to this chaos, to the coming and going of workers like the rise and fall of notes on a stave. Crescendo and diminuendo, the bellow of an orchestra followed by a soft pluck of the strings.

Day after day, the piece turns more familiar, rhythmic, but never quite the same. Watching as others chat and laze around, with a worn notebook in his hands, Masa finds that he enjoys it all the same, even if he rarely participates. 

The consuming loneliness cannot reach him here, where bodies and sounds fill the emptiness till no space is left. And that is enough.

He pointedly ignores the fact he craves more still.

"I'm looking for Mays."

"I thought he was my babysitter, not I his," a quiet hum is given, amusement tinting Masa's tone as he eyes the marine intruding upon his quaint little bubble. Mansk, he recalls, brain wracking for what little he has on the Recombinant. A squadmate of Mays. Quiet, but not stupid. Owns a huge gun.

"Haven't seen him today," he shrugs. "You best ask Nee-san — he tends to trail behind her, from what I've seen." Like a dog, ever so loyal, Masa muses in his mind, idly moving the pen between his fingers. "Try her office, she has no meetings planned for today." Mayu always informs him of her weekly schedule, in case of-- Anything, really. It makes him feel like a baby sometimes, but he listens nonetheless, makes sure to memorize it. She has enough to worry about as is; he doesn't want to add to her load by acting childish.

"Just--" A pause, teeth chewing on the inside of his mouth. "Make sure to knock first," he hurriedly adds, the grimace of discomfort on his face rather telling of the possible horrors waiting behind the sturdy doors. As much as the boy likes knowing things, he can absolutely do without certain knowledge.

[ad-nai]

[hopeds]

[idolatrism]

takeaways from last night's episode: - chaim talking abt how he mourned for his mother but his mom was nice to him, jocelyn's mother was not nice to her and controlling - jocelyn calling out for her mother made me so sad, she's very much having a manic episode while filming the music video - also jocelyn was singing at malls at 11 yrs old, she def had the weight of providing for her and her mother on her shoulders from a young age - jocelyn being in financial ruin this is her one shot and i just :(((( - also like i definitely think she was touring while her mom died that's what i inferred? i also feel like whatever mental illness she has is currently going untreated like??? i def see alot of my own experience with borderline personality disorder in her so im projecting that but sh's suffering and the business is so fucking brutal help her!!! - tedros moving in is terrible ksdjfksdjfksjf GET A JOB STAY AWAY FROM HER - also i thinkt he dog i was excited abt was with tedros so? - DYANNE IS A SNAKE!!!!! - the weeknd is not sexy and if i ever hear him say 'my fat tongue' again i'm gonna throw up hello!!!??? - bring dan levy back i missed him lmao - jocelyn baby girl i love u but ur remix was not it - chaim and destiny are the real ones - also someone on twitter pointed out that the cuts on her legs were from the glass she was.... pleasuring herself with but also i def think she's jsut in a bad bad place and i want her to get help

[hehosts-moved]

❰❰ LEAN ❱❱ sender leans against receiver || for deng !

(indulgent) touch meme // * accepting !! from: @shecharm

HE IS MORE USED TO AFFECTION THAN HIS OTHER. (HIS BETTER / HIS WORST) HE IS OF INDULGENCE, OF SPLENDOR, OF FERVOR, OF DIONYSIUS AND ARES COMBINED. HE IS A GOD OF RECKONING. HE IS RED.

the touch of a woman, of someone blessed / someone cursed ( someone holy and someone vexed! ) is not unknown to him. he is deng, and he is of dionysius and ares. he is of splendor and fervor.

but, this is not a reckoning. there is no need for such extremities. this is a quiet action, one he is not used to, for he is of passion and glory, of the drink and of the good times. ( good for him !! )

he says nothing; there is nothing to say.

now is the time, he thinks. a time to kill. a time to destroy. now is the time, he thinks. a time to live. a time to die. now is the time, he thinks. the time to build.

[99naive]

random small hc drop but also a lil reminder : suzie's full name is suzette , so the games spelling of it being ' susie ' is actually not how my bbygirl spells her name at all . she's french canadian , with a very noticeable accent when she speaks & she will also swear to herself in french or whisper things under her breath in french when she wants to say something she doesn't want someone else to understand ( unless said person also speaks/understands french ) . suzie is her preferred name though , & only a very small group of people within the fog will even know that suzie is short for suzette-- this being THE LEGION ( duh ) & jeff johansen . if your muse addresses her as anything other than suzie , chances are she will freeze & not respond at all OR she's going to think she's in trouble/danger .

[rosenpiety]

𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈,   with   his   slowed   aging   and   beautiful   smile   and   the   horrors   of   his   youth. 𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈,   with   his   love   for   Idrila   and   his   family   and   that   indescribable   emptiness   that   feels   as   if   someone   has   taken   a   spoon   and   hollowed   him   out   from   the   inside.   He   was   lost   for   so   so   long,   left   to   rot   and   die,   body   brittle   like   bird   bones.   An   aching   cavity   of   terror   and   memories   and   loneliness.

Is   there   any   surprise,   then,   that   he   would   fill   that   emptiness   with   something?   With    devotion   and   dedication   —   until   he   is   overflowing   with   it,   until   The   Beauty   is   left   with   no   choice   but   to   assimilate   him   into   their   gentle   arms   and   give   him   something   to   live   for   and   strive   for.   There   is   little   room   for   anything   else,   anyone   else.   His   withered   heart   is   encased   in   thorned   vines,   they   crawl   inside   him,   burrowing   within   his   veins   until   he   is   wholly   theirs.

He   glitters   and   glows   with   their   power,   a   shimmering   halo   engraved   upon   the   crown   of   his   head   until   it   is   no   more   noticeable   than   the   red   of   his   pupils   and   the   green   of   his   irises.   Natural.   And   perhaps   one   day,   were   he   to   call   on   them,   that   halo   would   make   itself   known   in   twisting   and   braided   vines,   thorns   sharp   enough   to   dig   into   a   scalp,   and   perhaps   the   ones   that   crawl   under   his   skin   would   burst   from   their   cocoon   and   wrap   around   every   limb   like   the   very   armor   that   adorns   his   body   with   roses   sprouting   from   within   the   emptiness   that   he   knows   is   there.

 One   day,   he   will   return   to   the   planet   as   many   followers   and   emanators   of   beauty   have   before   him,   mayhap   his   return   will   be   different.   Maybe   he   will   stand   there   for   an   eternity,   become   a   new   life   in   a   war   torn   planet,   roots   reaching   through   the   soil   to   make   a   home   there.   Maybe   one   day   a   cathedral   will   be   built   around   his   corpse   and   new   worshippers   of   Beauty   will   sprout   up   like   flowers   in   the   garden   of   his   after   life.

Or   maybe   he   will   be   forgotten,   a   twisted   monster   that   will   need   to   be   struck   down,   no   trace   of   humanity   left   in   that   hollow   carcass   that   was   once   his   body.

[wascoy]

[wiredsmi1e]

—̳͟͞♡   .   .   .    im   going   feral   over   these   lines   with   moth   rn   &   so   i   must   share   here   but   these   lines   from   poison   are   so   incredibly   suziecore   it   𝙷𝚄𝚁𝚃𝚂 ???   if   you   know   you   know   .

•   ❝   i   got   so   used   to   bein'   untrue   ,   i   got   so   good   at   tellin'   you   what   you   want   to   hear   .   i   disassociate   ,   disappear   ,   yeah   ,   yeah   ,   yeah   ❞

•   ❝   what's   the   worst   part   of   this   hell   ??   i   can   only   blame   myself   ❞

•   ❝   full   of   poison   ,   im   sick   of   the   poison   wish   i   had   something   to   live   for   tomorrow   ❞